Well, I missed this show yesterday. I didn't know there was splintering allowed in Harvard Sailing Team. This changes all the rules.

In Costa Rica, there are dinosaurs at every cafe and in the highways

Poll results

With the polls closed and vote-counting dragging on until dawn, it has become clear that "Paeans Mock Kings" has won the favor of Smoking Pancakes' anti-Church, anarchist readers. Sure, "Cake Spanking Oms" was funny and cute, but it seems that when it came time to pull the lever, voters couldn't help but observe that "Paeans Mock Kings" are three words that make sense in that order.

Next time, send a Gourmet Sympathy Cheese Cake

My sister wanted me to help her find a place in Manhattan with kosher gift baskets. So I googled it and stumbled upon www.koshergiftbaskets.com. The gift baskets are separated into categories based on occasion. Under "shiva/condolences," you'll find the best-named baskets, including the "Sympathy Chest of Snacks," the "Kosher Sympathy Cheese Board," "Sympathy Basket Delux," "Premium Condolence," and of course, the "Tower of Sympathy."

But when you really care, send "Our Deepest Sympathy Basket." The depth of the basket reflects the depth of your grief.

I didn't read this article

In New York City, Fewer Murders on Rainy Days

I didn't read this article, but I'm guessing the murderers get all organized--gloves, weapon, disguise--and then realize when they've gotten downstairs that they've forgotten their umbrella. But if they run back upstairs to get it, it'll throw their timing off and ruin their alibi.

So much preparation--wasted!

"Oh screw it," they say, and spend the rest of the night drinking Bailey's and watching "So You Think You Can Dance."

Made-up baseball stats

Just read this on Hank Aaron's Wikipedia page:

"Tommie Aaron, one of his brothers, also went on to play Major League Baseball. By the time Aaron retired, he and his brother held the record for most career home runs by a pair of siblings (768)."

Yes, that's right. Between the two of them, they hit 768 home runs, of which Tommie Aaron hit 13, and Hank Aaron hit SEVEN HUNDRED AND FIFTY-FIVE.

The doughnut burger rears its ugly head once more

Burger Insanity in Portland